>Dear Ex Boyfriend


Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
Remember when you left and told me that I would never be anything? Well I am happy to tell you that you were wrong, let’s not talk about my successful career and 6 figure salary, or my amazing ranch house I own (<—–get that buddy OWN), I won’t even brag about my 2011 Audi that sparkles in the bright L.A. sun…..no I shan’t reduce myself to such petty trivialities. I just thought you would be interested in hearing how the fat chick you mocked and threw your hands up over has come full circle, and not about the waist mind you, oh no no monsieur, my curves are have been known to make gay men look twice *smirks*.
I still remember how you tried to help me be less of loser, with your berating and smug tone, how you told me that you just couldn’t teach me how to turn on the pc or even download software……in fact you laughed to your friends how dense I was. *sighs* Well when you left I admit to buying into your demoralizing brainwash-fest, and even when i pathetically called you and cried on your voice mail I still kinda hoped that you would find it in yourself to show me one moment of kindness and say something nice to just release me from the hell I was in.
Yeah I know there i go again being silly and dramatic over the 2 years of my precious life I devoted to you, your career, your education an even your baby mama drama…..and when you left I cried and felt miserable. It was kind of you to tell me via email that you were just not at a place to be involved with anyone and needed to fly solo, I guess that’s why you ended up with skankarella 3 weeks later but hey I’m not bitter or mad. Why should I be when you are having the wonderful leftovers of every man in 1000 mile radius, and she is after all very pretty……in a cheap, porn chick kinda way. I am very happy for you both and wish you well.
By the way if you have been wondering where your best-friend has been, the one you called brother and void never to let anyone come between you and he….well we are now married and funny thing is he doesn’t even talk about you…ever….*sad faces*, the favorite limited edition novel you cherished, remember how you came back looking for it and we couldn’t find it….well it’s time I confess….I sold it, for a pretty penny too, well ok lots of pretty pennies, more like pretty pounds as the dollar just wasn’t working in my favor art the time. Oh and hey you know how you told me that one day we would be friends at least….yeah it’s just going to work out now, my friends are are way above your league, and they find me to be very witty and fun, which you seem to always say I was neither of those things.
n closing it has been great to revisit the purpose you played in my life, you ignited a fire that fueled me forward to better things, I guess I used it as a stepping stone to greater things, I could have sat around eating chunky monkey ice cream (and I found out it was not named after my thighs thank you very much) but i rallied and i conquered, so to some extent you being a douche really cleared away some nasty things that were holding me back, I thank you for that.

By the way the big moving truck you hear backing up to the house you rent with 4 others….my husband owns the company that holds the mortgage on it….he gave it to me for a “wow you are just so awesome” gift…..well not going to show off but consider this your 30 day notice.

With Love,

Outfit – Son!a Claire Mini Dress
Shoes – SLink Aveela Stiletto Herringbone
Necklace – EarthStones Beaded Touch Necklace – Sunstone/Silver -(Group Gift)
Hair – [Shag] – Cherry Pie – Red Shades
Makeup – d/g Jessica Rabbit Makeup

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